One Last Week

I don't want to accept that it has been close to forever since I have sat down and blogged...on any of my blogs... Today's events are screaming to be written about so here I sit typing away.

I remember the first time I as the medical professional encountered death. I use the term professional loosely since I had literally put on scrubs for a grand total of 2 days! I remember being very intimidated and somewhat scared of the whole experience. Since that point on I have encountered many, many deaths and some so very difficult, some tragic, some lonely, some painful, some heart-wrenching, some ugly, some surprising, some relieving, some long, some necessary, some unnecessary, some peaceful, some simple, some painless, some quiet, some even joyous... And then there was this one last week:

Before I get to the climax of this week I'm going to let you in on a little bit of what my week entailed... Starting with Sunday night I had to send a resident to the ER after taking a crash to the forehead! In the mean time I am spending what time I can with a resident who's health is failing and it is becoming more apparent that his time is short. That morning as we start getting people up for the day I enjoy teasing and joking with one particular lady (remember her) and pass meds, give eye drops, assist with transferring residents, etc. I take one last moment to sit with and check on the man I had mentioned, his breathing is even but the most response I receive from his is maybe a bit of a sigh. I leave my shift feeling a bit sad and wondering how much long he has left. That night I come to work and before I get to the time clock I have been told 4 things, all of which made me want to turn around and go back home! 1) That man had died. 2) The lady I told you to remember had suffered an irreversible stroke. 3) There was a new hospice resident admitted and she wasn't expected to live long. 4) Our state survey had begun! Like I said, I was really tempted to turn around and go back home!

My shift starts and I step into the room of the new resident and she appears comfortable, I speak with her husband and son and offer my support and make sure they know that I am available for what ever they need. I then go down the hall to see the lady who just that morning was joking and laughing with me and is now lying in bed appearing at least 10 years older and her hands are lying limp. She has multiple family members at her bed side visiting with each other. I know many members of this family fairly well since they would come and visit their mom in the afternoons when I worked but this lady has 9 kids, 8 kids-in-law, 26 grandchildren, 38 great-grandchildren and 1 great-great-grandchild so there is no way that I could have known all of them! Anyway, there are several of her sons there that night. I sat down with them after doing my nursing assessment just to talk with them and to hear where they are emotionally and if there is anything I can do to assist them. We talked about their shock and their thankfulness that their mom doesn't seem to be suffering. I decide to bring up the uncomfortable subject of what they may expect as their mom's body fails. They were very responsive and seemed appreciative of the info that I shared with them. Through the course of the week I had that same conversation with different family members, never easy but I feel that it is important that they know what to expect.

That morning the state inspectors showed up on my shift, oh the fun! Before I left work I checked one final time on these two ladies and spoke with their families not sure if either one would be there would be there that night when I returned that night. When I returned to work not a lot had changed in the conditions of my residents. One family is struggling, both with the impending death of their wife and mother and with the way that each one is dealing with this coming loss. They have watched their mother suffer for over a dozen years and it is evident that they are all tired and sometimes it's easiest to lash out at each other. I don't want to paint the way that they dealt with this death in an ugly light but it was very difficult to watch them and to go 3 doors down the hall and experience how this other family was celebrating the life of their mother. This night there are different family members at the bedside and so there is a point where I repeat the difficult conversation but most of my time with this family is spent sharing and chatting.

I was very keenly aware of the differences in nursing that occurs at a time like this. For one, it is my goal to keep the patient comfortable and to allow her to die as peacefully as possible and that could possibly involve a bit of argument with her family as to what is best for their family member and for the other, who does not appear to be in any distress or pain at all so I turned my focus on what the family's needs might be. My resident really didn't need a nurse at that point so I became the nurse for the family.

The next night of this long week came and the only highlights of that shift was that the inspectors didn't come in on my shift and that there wasn't any significant changes in my two ladies. The families are still at their bedsides and the question that no nurse wants to hear but no family cannot not ask is asked many times: How long do you think Mom has? I really didn't know what to say with either one.

I had a day off!! I didn't rest and catch up but helped a friend move and by the time I finally fell asleep I didn't wake up for about 13 hours!! My body needed a break but maybe it was my emotions that needed a break even more. When I returned to work that next night I walked into a surprise...another resident has apparently had a stroke and died within minutes of me walking into work! This was a total surprise to me and took awhile to absorb into my mind. One of my ladies that I had been caring for all week had passed away, finally after over 12 years cancer had taken its toll and her fight was over.

Over the next two nights I continue to offer support to the family of my resident and we laugh, we cry, we tell stories...it was so fun. Those aren't my words but the family's. One grand-daughter said it was Grandma's last chance to make sure everyone had a reason to be together. It was a precious time and I found myself wanting to interject myself in more than was necessary because it was such a great time of sharing and getting to know each other. As Saturday night came to a close it became more apparent that her death was close, even so, I was shocked to find out that she died less than 10 minutes after I walked out of the building! I went to her funeral today and let the tears flow as several of her grandchildren shared memories of their grandma. More than once they talked about the memories made during this last week. I got a big smile on my face when one talked about getting to know the nurses and nursing home staff and what an important part of their grandma's life we had all become and theirs as well.

At the funeral today the pastor said something that keeps bouncing around in my head and heart: "We must live a life that is worthy of the eternal hope we have in Christ Jesus." I believe that is what I saw in this precious lady.

I don't want to down play the other lives that ended this week at all...4 deaths in one week is in a word OVERWHELMING but this week will go down to being one to remind me of why I do the work that I do.

That Thanksgiving, revisited

**The name in this post has been changed to ensure confidentiality**

Saturday morning started especially early for me with a phone call from my dad. I hadn't heard the phone ring (in fact, I'm blaming that on my phone messing up rather than me sleeping too hard to hear the phone ring...yeah, right!). I dial *86, put in my password, wondering if something is wrong because it's so early...Once I hear Dad's voice I realize that it probably isn't THAT early for him since he tends to leave for work around 4am so my fear that something is wrong lessens a wee bit. This is a paraphrase of the message he left me:

"Daughter, this is your father. Greg Bryson called me last night..."

I hung up from voice mail without even listening to the rest of the message and dialed Mom and Dad's home phone number...RIGHT A WAY! Because what you don't know is that Greg Bryson shouldn't be calling my dad! You ask why he shouldn't be calling my dad? Because he should be DEAD!

You see, in a previous blog post (http://1lifeatatime95.blogspot.com/2009/10/that-thanksgiving.html) I tell of a story of a dying man!

The phone rings and Mom answers, I never got around to finding out if Dad had told her he was calling me, but she sounds surprised to hear from me at the crack of dawn. She tracks Dad down who is working on a carpentry job for Mom's new kitchen and passes on the phone to him. His first words to me are, "Greg Bryson called me last night!" My response is, as I am sure you can imagine..."what..um, how, I'm confused..." Dad went on to describe his very own shock and surprise when he received the phone call. Once he had grasped that he really was talking to his friend they spent some time catching up. Dad learned that Greg had just received a report of "cancer free" and was calling people who were important to him. Dad said that he describes himself as a "changed man" but Dad feels that he does not have a clear understanding of his need for a Savior.

They made plans to get together. I cannot wait to hear more!!

I cannot help but wonder if I had never had the guts/nerve to say something to this man all those years ago. What if I hadn't listened to God's prompting? This has been a very real reminder of my need to remain sensitive to the voice of the Holy Spirit.

hands of grace

Tonight as I once again sat on the floor holding my resident's swollen and deformed feet in my hands she was the one who ministered to me.

She and I have enjoyed our dressing change experiences as we have gotten to know each other and watch her legs transform before our very eyes. Tonight as I scrubbed and cleansed her feet she struggled for words....

I jokingly said, "I bet this isn't the pedicure you were expecting!"

She said, "I feel so, so, so blessed. You have hands of grace."

Those words were like a stamp of approval from God. He is pleased. There is no greater honor.