without fear

Grandpa is dying.

We know that.

He knows that.

I have faced the death of many of my patients and many times I have not known the state of their spiritual condition. With Grandpa we have no reason to fear, AT ALL.

With an a boundless sense of peace we have been with Grandpa while he prepares to enter into eternal Glory.

Moments ago we gathered around his bed wondering if he was in his final moments. He attempted to communicate with us and we were unable to understand him but when we began to sing hymns he not only became restful but began to sing along with us and was completely understandable and even sang in harmony.

It has been with many tears that I have watched this decline but it is most definitely without fear or uncertainty that I hold my Grandpa's hand as he prepares to meet his Savior.

perceptions

I have often heard that nurses should experience life from the other side of the bed. This theory has really hit home recently since my Grandpa is so sick and in the hospital.

I always "think" that I see things from the patients point of view but in reality it is so very different. I have access to their medical records when ever I want. I can get up and leave the room when ever I want, etc.

Grandpa's illness is especially difficult because he is very confused so the family has had to take a very active role in his care and treatment plan. I am sure that the ICU staff is frustrated at times with our many calls and questions!

Many times it seems that my family members are getting different stories, I am sure that is not the case but the case of who is talking to a doctor, a nurse, a therapist...

As I have watched this hospitalization I have become more aware of what it must be like for MY patients:

• Often they lay in their hospital bed for days upon days.
• They get food trays that may be delivered when they want them but their diet is often restricted.
• Tests are performed at all hours of the day and night.
• They only know what we tell them.

I remember one time that I visited a friend of mine who had surgery. Clinically he looked good and I responded so and then bit my tongue, he looked HORRIBLE from a friend point of view. I thought to myself that we in the medical community must look like liars when we say how good someone is doing.

I will strive to use use this unfortunate hospitalization to rethink my responses to my patients in the future.

finances vs. life.... all through the eyes of a 13 year old

How do you explain to a 13 year old that he could have lost his life if he didn't have the much needed appendectomy when what he is really concerned about is how his mom and dad are going to be able to pay for his hospital bill?

That was one of the most heart breaking conversations I have ever had. This 7th grader who was such a joy to take care of post operatively was very concerned about rushing his discharge as to not increase his parents bill. My first reaction was gonna be, well of course your insurance will cover your surgery but I could tell by the look in his mother's eyes that that wasn't the case.

I found out some information, Dad's work has been unstable due to the shaky financial status that the world is in right now and Mom is out of work, pending major surgery herself.

I sat there by this young man's bed and looked him in the eye and very clearly told him that though I didn't know their family and I didn't know all about their financial situation I was guaranteed of one thing and that was that no matter what, his mom and his dad loved him more than any bill and the fact that he was alive this morning made paying that bill totally worth it all!

I am sure that his mother got very little sleep last night on our uncomfortable fold out bed. Concern for her son and her financial woes building as she slept but knowing that the source of the infection had been removed and that by next week he will be doing all the things that a normal 13 year old does I pray that she was able to rest assured knowing that in time even the bills will be a distant memory.

Ortho docs, orange sherbet and X-rays

Among nurses you will find that we have our favorite doctors and our least favorites. I am sure that that comes as no surprise to most of you! There are even a few specialties where the nice ones shine brilliant stars because the norm is that the docs are so rude, god-complex, oh, my list could go on... Good at their skill but when it comes to bedside manner and doctor/nurse relationship, well lets just say their isn't any!

Orthopedic surgeons are on the top of this list for me and due to our hospitals growth I very rarely see patients with these types of diagnoses so don't encounter their doctor's either until this week...

Patient number one had recently had back surgery and had returned due to back pain worse than before or after his surgery. He was miserable. The nurse on the shift before me had worked all day with him attempting to get his pain under control without much relief. She had made multiple calls to the doctor and had gotten little in the way of answers. When I arrived the doctor was there for the first time all day and had agreed to change his pain medicine. Relief was on the horizon... Or so we thought.

Meanwhile patient number 2 is across the hall with an infected knee joint waiting for his orthopedic consult to further his care. I talk with his wife who has been waiting all day in hopes to speak with the doctor. In her words, "I would have been here with my husband anyway but this waiting is killing us..." On deeper investigation into his chart it appears that the doctor was notified almost 24 hours before. I call the on-call physician and explain the need for my call. He isn't happy with ME. I explain that nursing had notified his office and therefore it is in their hands and that while I am not expecting him to come in at 9pm I do expect some sort of answer for my patient. He finally agrees to listen to my plea/predicament and asks for a review of the patient's chart. I finally do have something to tell my patient. By the time this is done though, the wife has left to take their son home. I am feeling frustrated but the patient is pleased.

Back to that other patient with all of that back pain, he's still hurting, hurting bad. I have tried everything I can think of medically and even have offered him orange sherbet, like that's gonna help. He begins talking about his family, 2 girls ages 5 and 6 and a little boy 8 months old. I start talking about my plethora of nieces and nephews, we get to know each other. He's smiling now. I ask how bad his pain is and he has to think about it, still says it's "up there" but it isn't his main focus. The next time I'm in his room, we watch some of the exit polls (have I mentioned that it's election night??). The next time I think I actually was able to give him something for his pain but the next we argued McCain vs. Obama. He was still in pain but through becoming his friend as well as his nurse he was able to get some relief from the pain. He even got some sleep that night.

And patient number 2? That doctor that didn't want to be involved when I called him came in at 5am to evaluate him!! He agreed with the diagnosis and the treatment that was in place and by the time I was going home that patient had discharge orders!

I don't particularly like orthopedics, I don't like their doctors and the patient care can often be very heavy but both of these patient's turned out to be alot of fun to care for.

The next shift I was on the other end of our department as the pediatric nurse. Though not actually a pediatric in hospital standards I admitted a 15 year old who had broken his arm. Oh yeah, yet another ortho doc!!! This kid turned out to be so much fun to take care of! He has high functioning asburgers syndrome which just made his responses and questions a little bit different than that of a "normal" 15 year old. It was too soon for pain medication so I at first used this as a divertional technique... I pulled up his x-ray to show him his fracture because for some reason it is true with all boys that scars and broken bones are COOL! He loved it. By the end of the night, he had in fact received the pain meds that I am sure he needed becase he infact had done a doozy of a job breaking that arm but I had also showed him those x-rays 3 times!

I was explaing to him what to expect when he had surgery and how his pain would change and he says, " wouldn't it be freaky if I came back and had stiches on my chest???"

In the end it wasn't any of the medication that I gave to any of my 3 orthopedic patients that made them comfortable it was going the extra mile. I don't want this to be a pat on the back but as a reminder that the extra mile often is only a step or two.

Sunday afternoon debate

Who would have thought that a posting on a popular chat network would spur a non stop postings flying from old friends who have grown apart and evidently find themselves on opposite sides of the political spectrum?

I loved every minute of our lively discussion which turned into a very heated debate. I doubt very strongly that we were able to change my old friends mind but I do believe that we made her think. I know that she made me think. I like to have my beliefs challenged, makes me really concentrate on what I do believe to be true.

So, my friend, I know you will read this... thank you for so willingly engaging in our debate and who knows maybe we aren't done yet!!!

Birthdays and big families

Today is Abe's birthday! He is my youngest brother and hard as it is for me to admit it, he turned 15 today and can get his drivers permit.

Tomorrow is Mom's birthday and then next Thursday is my oldest brother's... When you are in a big family someone is bound to be celebrating a birthday every few weeks.

One would be tempted to think that that would make our times of celebration less important but it is quite the opposite. Most birthday's are spent with family with the occasional HUGE friend party thrown in for good measure!

I remember lots of birthday parties growing up. There was my carnival party where we could use our tickets to kiss the monster (all of us girls were excited to do that since the monster was none other than David Pendergrass!!!!). There was the motorcycle party and the one where we got dressed up fancy, went to the Muny and then came back for a slumber party. Last year for a "milestone" birthday my parents outdid themselves with a wonderful surprise party and even flew an old friend in from the east coast it was AMAZING!!! But all of those fun parties do not hold a "birthday candle" to the family dinner birthday parties I have had. The ones where I got to either plan the menu or do the cooking. On more birthdays than I care to count we have had "Andrea Roasts" ~ the funny part about these is that we end up having these even when it's someone elses birthday.

So Happy Birthday Abe, Mom and Jos... It won't be long before it's time to celebrate again!

how did I know?

Several years ago while taking care of this woman it became very apparent that immediate intervention was necessary or she was not going to make it through the night. Her blood pressure was dropping, she was becoming very lethargic.

I had called the doctor and after he and I had reviewed her chart and her lab work he came to the conclusion that she needed a blood transfusion and needed it right away!

To add to her already perilous state she was severely demented and confused as alzheimers disease had taken its toll on her body. Due to her condition she was unable to sign consent for this so I went to the chart to find the appropriate family member's phone numbers and make the middle of the night calls that no nurse likes to make...

This is where it gets interesting...

The only phone number was for her husband who just so happened to be out of town on business and no one had thought to get his cell phone number!

Now, I had never met this lady before the night that I came to work nor did her name look familiar to me but "something" told me who she was. I in my moment of need instantly knew who this lady was! She was the mom of a friend of my mom's!

I have absolutly no explenation as to how I knew this other than the hand of God directing me to this but once I knew there was never any doubt.

Then there was my next hurdle to jump over. This daughter was not listed in the chart and patient confidenciality is so important I didn't have any right to simply call her and state the patients need for intervention.

I met with my nursing supervisor who, to her defense did not look at me like I had totally lost all my marbles when I explained that I knew who the lady was even though I didn't know who the lady was... After much discussion we decided that I should call the doctor back and discuss it with him. That was my green light because I knew that he knew the family personally and could confirm the connection!

Another bend in the road came when I couldn't figure out how to get ahold of this daughter at approx 4:00 AM... My only option seemed so impossible that I didn't even want to say it out loud. My nursing supervisor thought it was a great idea...

Yes, I called my mom, at 4:00 AM to get her friends phone number, to then call the daughter to then get the consent to transuse the blood...

By morning my patient's blood pressure had started to stabelize, she was still very lethargic.

On his way to work, her son in law stopped by and asked me about the night. He already knew some of it since he ahd been there when I had called the and spoken to his wife but it was such a relief and joy to be able to share with another believer how God's hand directs us.

not wearing gloves this time...

My life away from the hospital I am married to my life as a youth sponsor. It is a fascinating life, full of adventure and chugging sodas the fastest...never boring.

I have recently embarked leg of this journey that is of the utmost sensitive in nature and confidentiality must be guarded at each turn. This is and has been a real challenge for me and has caused me to grow spiritually as I am charged with giving delicate advice to another.

Ahhhhh...I guess I am wearing gloves in this as well.

she stopped breathing

Just last night I was standing at the nurses station a few minuets after my shift had started not really sure what I was supposed to do because I was the assigned "super user" (neither here nor there for you non SJHW nurses!!!), drinking my first of many cups of coffee when a man walks up to me and says, "She stopped breathing."

In the hospital that sentence can mean several different things.

1. Start CPR and call a code blue.
2. Go assess the patient, call the intensive care doctor for immediate intervention.
   
3. An expected death, need to pronounce the patient dead.

As I said, I was the nurse who hadn't really received an assignment, so I didn't really know anything about our 30+ patients last night! Another nurse over heard and jumped up knowing that this was situation number 3, an expected death, where 2 nurses are called to the room to pronounce the patient dead and offer support to the family.

Here goes. I put down my coffee cup. Track down a stethoscope (have I mentioned that I am not acting as a patient care nurse on this shift???) Put on my stoic face and go to face the family. Only problem is, the grandson who came and spoke to me in the first place is standing right beside me the entire time!

"TIME TO PULL IT TOGETHER." Yes, I'm talking to myself as I walk down the hall! This is part of the job. I am trying to convince myself that it was simply the shock of the situation that has me all rattles but rattled I am.

I enter the room with the other nurse, the grandson, stethoscopes at the ready. There is another grieving loved one at the bedside.

I pause.

I do my job.

The patient is dead.

I leave.

The family continues to gather in the patient's room as is common and I have intermittent interaction with them. Because of my still up in the air assignment I take on alot of the communication that we nurses must do when we have a death but I am never again in the patients room.

I spoke with the woman who had been in the room when she had passed away to offer my condolences and she thanked me. The two of us got to talking and she was sharing some of the family dynamics and I felt that I could share my role in the situation. She felt that somehow I had not only "pulled it together" but had been both professional and supportive just when she needed it the most.

This had to have been the hand of God.

what started it all

I never thought of myself as a blogger. In fact it has only been in the past couple of weeks that I have become interested in blogging at all.

The reason that I am now blogging at all is because of a challenge of a dear friend of mine. This friend who I will later tell you more about asked me to journal my nursing stories.

There have been many times through the years that I have felt like I do this job for simply that, a job but then I remember why I became a nurse and I remember those times as a little girl playing dress up with my brothers... When ever someone would ask what are you going to be when you grow up my response would always be, "I'm going to be a nurse!" So yes I always wanted to be a nurse but it is more than that, I want to use my skills to heal. Not just physically but spiritually as well. I serve my Lord in an often dark world and it is my calling and my duty to reach these people. Most often it isn't even by preaching but by loving and listening.

So back to my friend, in another blog I will share why she has become so interested in my sharing my stories but it was her on a Sunday afternoon in August who begged me to start writing. I am not a writer so I hope you will all forgive me but please keep reading and give feedback. I want to know what people are thinking.

Tell your story

You never know who might just need to know what you have to share.

I went to work last week and once again received my assignment. This time one of my patients was a lady in her mid 40's who had just been diagnosed with kidney cancer. She had a past history of suicide attempts and wanted a nicotine patch. My assigned task for the night was to keep her comfortable and to get her that patch.

Looking back, I have absolutely no idea how she and I got on the subject of my incredibly large family but we did and we got to laughing over the big Christmases and the cousin stories. She asked what my brothers did for a living, how they are raising their children. Why I am still single. We talked about my family...

She described us as successful. I guess we are, God has been very good to the Hunt family.

My phone rang, telling me that another patient needed me. She took my hand and said, "thank you for sharing your story. I needed to hear that fairy tales do come true."

I don't know how much my telling her story really changed anything, but I do know that I didn't have to give her any pain medicine all night.

Patients can be healers too

Anyone if open to being used can be used by God.

I came to work and received my assignment and the very first patient listed was a 91 year old lady who had suffered a massive stroke that day. I immediately balked at the assignment for you see I had only a month ago buried my grandfather and wasn't ready to be the supportive nurse to a grieving family while they said their final good buys to their own loved one.

What I had yet to realize was that the very next day was going to be her 92nd birthday! Again, I rebelled, "how can I do this God?", I asked,"this just isn't right". I pulled myself together because that was what I was expected to do and went into the room to see my patient. I had to wade in past multiple family members who had gathered with her and I could barely reach her to do any sort of nursing assessment. I spoke with a daughter who with a smile on her face and tears in her eyes told me that all of her children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren and even a couple of great-great-grandchildren had all gathered in her hospital room to celebrate her birthday. I being the nurse told them all looked ok and that I would soon return but if they needed anything to call for me and I would be there as soon as possible, you know, just what I was supposed to say.

Around midnight I returned to the even more crowded room to check on my patient and was able to observe an awesome display of love. The entire family had crowded into the patient's room and were singing happy birthday to her. Her daughter then leaned over to her mom's ear and said, "Mom, go have the best birthday ever. Go walk with Jesus and go see Daddy!" I slipped away, unnoticed. They didn't need a nurse.

It was then that my own emotional and spiritual healing began. God used my patient and her family to let me give my own Grandpa over to Him completely.

my first blog

I have only ever posted blogs on myspace and they have been short. I would like to make this something that friends and others will want to read.

I have recently been challenged to journal my nursing stories. I believe that I am in nursing because God has chosen me to touch lives, thus the name of my blog. I will be using this blog to tell some of those stories as well as what ever else I decide to discuss.

I don't want this in anyway to be about glorifying myself but the one that I serve, My Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Without Him I am nothing.

So without further ado I will now post this as my first blog.